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If you're just starting to learn meditation, either in a guided meditation group or by yourself, you work for five or ten minutes each sitting; try to sit each day at the same time, morning or evening, whatever suits you perfect. You let the daily five to ten minutes to expand to fifteen or twenty minutes when the weeks follow, but you by no means try and stress the pace.

Meditation isn't about clenching the teeth in determination. It's about sitting peacefully with yourself, and though it involves its own kind of discipline this has nothing to do with force than with soft and letting go.

When the certain thoughts or feelings arise, you let them to pass through and out of consciousness like clouds reflected in water. You don't attempt to push them out, but leave them to go of their own pace. Regardless of how 'important' the thoughts seem to be or how desperate or worrying the sentiments, you don't hang on to them or enable one thought or emotion to start another and another until you are down on a daydreaming trail that takes you far away from the simple issue of the breathe in and breathe out.

If, nevertheless, you do lose control, gently but definitely come back to your breathing the time you realize this has occurred. Avoid being impatient with yourself or persuading yourself you'll never understand how to meditate. Your deviating mind is simply demonstrating to you just how much you should train your meditation techniques. It is supporting you, prompting you, showing you how less control you have over your own thoughts. The right response is gratitude, gratitude towards that part of your mind that has recognized the fact that you are wool-gathering and that has reminded you to return to your point of focus.

I cannot overstate how important this attitude of gratitude is. If you curse yourself each time you become aware you are distracted in thought, you will not only be awakening the unwelcome emotion of self-disgust, you will be training your mind not to remind you when it is wandering later on. You are in effect punishing it every time for reminding you, and naturally it doesn't like being punished. So it will point out to you less and less often, and you will find focus becomes harder and harder. In response to the dissatisfaction that this brings, your mind will then start whispering persuasively to you that meditation is a total waste of time, and that you would be well suggested to find something much better to do with your time.

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